| ....wow |
[09 Aug 2008|02:56pm] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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music |
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Deftones |
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I haven't posted on this thing in YEARS.
Somehow I just stumbled upon it.
Interesting.
Anyone still read this crap?
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| Well, I figured this was coming... |
[22 Dec 2004|11:06am] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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Sounds of Silence |
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I'm homeless as of the 31st of Decemeber.
Rob's lease is up, and hes not renewing due to Angel having the baby.
Homeless for newyears once again, how insane is that?
Fuck my life and everything involved in it.
I need an apartment. Or someone to live with.
I wish the band would move in somewhere...life would be awesome.
I've got a job, its not like I'm poor...
I just don't have enough money to get my own apartment.
I can't move outta Raleigh, I'd loose my job.
I can't get a day job, I'd have to quit the Brewery.
I can't quit the Brewery because its helped my band tremendously.
I need a gun to put to my chin and blow all my misery away.
tis the season...
I went down to the bandspace lastnight to work on my amp. It was a normal night, pretty chilly. I thought about how it'd be sleeping in the bandspace again. Well, 15 minutes into it, i'd made up my mind and said FUCK that, its too goddamn cold in there. I dunno what i'mma do now...I could live in my car till I get enough money together to get SOMETHING...but fuck that'd only last till I ran outta money. I need to find a good roommate, wish Pogo had a fucking job.
Suck is Life.
I'm so fucking bored.
All my friends are out of town, visiting their families, and having their Christmas vacation. I'm stuck in Raleigh, doing nothing, with no-one. Lastnight I drove around for an hour, wanting to find something to do. This is my life, its what i've chosen. I'm gunna spend my christmas in my room, starring at the blue walls, because I hate holidays, and happiness. Its all bullshit, Hallmark Marketing Schemes...
Fuck life.
I guess this is loneliness.
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| The Day Metal Died - December 8, 2004 |
[09 Dec 2004|09:36am] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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Pantera - Cemetary Gates |
] |
.We Will Always Remember You.
"Believe the word...
I will unlock my door...
And pass the cemetary gates..."
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| OMFG WE KILLED IT!!!! |
[29 Nov 2004|07:26am] |
hahahaha...
I'm late, I know! Everyones already talking about it all over their LJ's... But goddamn, I'm still extremely HIGH from our experiences Saturday Night at The Brewery. It was such a killer show, I can't put it into words. We fucking killed it, no question. Even Tom @ The Brewery said tonight down-right...
"Hell yea, you guys killed it."
Which is a great fucking feeling.
Lets see some photos from the show...
 
 
Goddamn that was a fucking fun show. We need more shows like this!
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| Like Broken Glass, and Shattered Teeth |
[18 Oct 2004|03:35pm] |
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mood |
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crushed |
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music |
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The Bled - I never met another Gemini |
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I have no friends its apparent.
Everyone who I really feel close to, and can connect with on a different level than any aquaintence I've ever met...shows their true colors in the end. I'm destined to be alone. I fell to hard, too fast, and did everything I was supposed to. Why am I being treated this way? What is it that leaves me open for women to bestow pain upon me? What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm so fucking sick of being the nice guy. The guy that will leave his best show, right after the set is done, to take a girl to the hospital...and sit by her side for 7 fucking hours straight, worried to death. The guy that you can call anytime, and I'll write off everything I'm doing to help you out. The guy that spends money on you whenever you need something. The guy that thinks about you constantly, and helps you through rough times.
I'm fucking tired of being the guy that falls in love with the girl that doesn't understand the meaning.
My fucking life sucks.
Everyone whos close, ends up slipping away.
Everytime I look to the future, my past creeps up on me.
My life is an ongoing rollercoaster, and I remain the broken track.
This is no paradise.
Why do I even fucking bother?
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| Well... |
[11 Oct 2004|11:45am] |
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mood |
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numb |
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music |
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Silence |
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Ok. So just the other night, Jeremiah stops by my work and we have a conversation about the situation 2 posts before this. Now, he and this girl are both really good friends, and I knew he'd probably go back and tell her everything I said. So recently shes been acting kinda odd towards me. We use to ride around, and she'd hold my hand, or ya know...or we'd sit on a couch and she'd curl up on me...but recently she'd hold back. So I asked Jeremiah in the car lastnight on a ...smoke run... If he'd talked to her about what we talked about. He admitted he did, but only after she'd asked him about it. So obviously shes puzzling on this as much as I am.
But I just hope what he told her, didn't make her want to not be so close to me. Maybe she feels as though shes leading me on when we're together. I don't know, but I hate this. I'm a mess in the head over this all...
I fall too fast. I really do. I've come to realise this in the past. It always leaves me to be hurt in the end. I just sit around, and watch these fucking losers she attracts, and I can't stand to see her get consummed into another rediculous relationship with another one of these fucking losers, when I know I'm definately better than them, and I would treat her like gold.
When she talks to another guy, I get jealous. I get that feeling in the pit of my stomach, I'm sure you know the feeling...like someones about to rip your insides out, and slowly inching their way towards your heart.
It fucking hurts.
I've been thinking about things. Maybe I should distance myself from her. Maybe I shouldn't hangout with her as much as I do. Maybe these feelings will go away. Shes the closest friend I've got right now, and all of my friends hover around her. Do I really want to become that lonely guy again, with no real friends? Or do I want to continue feeling my guts churn, and subsequently watch her hook up with some fucking fake ass, worthless SOB and watch our entire relationship crumble because I stomp the piss outta him.
GODDAMNIT. I've got a fucking important show tonight. This definately won't leave my mind. Someone help me out here...
This is the last thing I need to be thinking about tonight.
I think i'm gunna leave work early today, and have Scott bitchslap me around alittle before the show so I can get this shit outta my head.
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| 3 years of memories, pawned for CRACKMONEY. |
[07 Oct 2004|01:09pm] |
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mood |
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 enraged |
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music |
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I HAVE NONE. |
] |
So yea, my new apartment is cool and all...but theres fucking nowhere to park. Theres a church parking-lot right next to our apartment, but they're treatening to tow me if I park there overnight anymore. The street, since its by NCState Univ. is NO PARKING w/out a U-Permit. Which costs money, and 2 different bills in your name to get. Which means i'm screwed parking on the street, and I end up with tickets every morning.
There is parking behind the house, but thats all taken up because the fucking idiots that live around there park there, and they all have U Permit's! Its fucking rediculous.
So I'm screwed.
BUT TO TOP IT ALL OFF.
This morning I walk out to my car, and my change-tray is yanked out of the dash (was full of quarters mostly) and my entire collection of CDs were fucking GONE. My CD case also had something like 40 bucks in it. So some fucking bum jacked all my shit.
I'm irrate. Those CD's are IRREPLACEABLE! Donnybrook's "Ghost Image Revolver", which they only printed 300 copies of PERIOD, was in that case. All my old band's from RI, that have now either changed their names, broken up, or stopped playing certain songs...I HAD THEM ON CD! gone.
My entire computer was put onto a cd. Images, Programs, Websites, all my shit is gone. 3-4 years worth of memories, and music...gone.
I hate my life.
Tonight I sit on my front porch, armed with a baseball bat. I'm going to leave my wallet, in my car seat. Plain as day for everyone to see as they walk by...
First one to open the door gets a caved in skull.
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| Things go personal. |
[04 Oct 2004|12:34pm] |
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mood |
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 confused |
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music |
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Loud People @ Sams Club. |
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OK. Well. I'm sitting here at work, bored to death, and contemplating occuring events happening in my life recently. Things with the band are at the top once again. I've actually got a job, steadily making money...steadily spending it. I've got a good group of friends, that really always there for me when I need. I've got my apartment, finally...something to call my own.
What the hell am I missing? - Someone to share it with.
..or am i?
I've had this plaguing my mind all day long. I just have to throw it out somewhere and see what kinda advice (as if people read this shit) I could get. Maybe I just need to get it out period.
I'm really close to a girl right now. Have been for a while. We see each other every day, I go to her house at night to hangout. She cooks me dinner, and we just chill all the time. She comes to shows with me, she cluddles up and watches tv with me, we've slept together (but nothing MAJOR happened), we've kissed...but I don't know where we stand.
We're really good friends, and I don't wanna ruin that by jumping into a relationship. Its a scary thing. Shes also currently married (but separated), has a 4 year old, and a psycho ex boyfriend who supposed to "stomp my fat ass" but thats another story hahaa...
I don't know If i want a relationship.
And I don't know where she stands. If I did decide I wanted a relationship, what if she turned it down? Wouldn't that make things awkward between us and ruin the closeness we have?
I'm rambling.
Then again, I don't really have time for a girlfriend. I've got so much going on in my life, that things like this really could effect it in a major way. But, I feel lonely...even though i'm really not. I believe I just like that clearity, or label...girlfriend.
I don't know, i'm stupid, I'm shutting up.
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| SHOWS! |
[25 Sep 2004|06:16pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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music |
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Killswitch Engage - Fixation On The Darkness |
] |
Well, I will post the most recent picture of me I guess...
Its pretty cool, it was live onstage lastnight. We kinda goofed around with this show. I wouldn't usually wear that hat.
Had to pimp the Jager!
Things were insane lastnight. We ended up playing 2 shows. One out in Graham NC @ Castelda's, and then we got the call and migrated over towards The Brewery in Raleigh. In what took us an hour and a half to get to Graham from Raleigh, it took us 40 minutes to get back! Its call INSANITY.
Goodtimes though. We had a blast.
Next show is the Greenville Metalfest. That should be fucking awesome. This chick i've been talking to through Myspace.com is gunna meet up with me there. Shes really cute. Maybe we'll hit it off...
Also, we've got killer shows coming up. Oct. 11th we're opening for BEYOND THE EMBRACE @ The Berkeley Cafe in Raleigh. Except for lastnight, it'll be our only show in Raleigh with the new line-up until Novemberish.
Good times will be had by all.
Then! We're opening for BILE AGAIN!!!! This will be amazing because we now have our new line-up, and i'm really looking forward to blowing everyone away at Jester's. We need to reclaim ourselves in the eyes of Fayetteville, and this is where we do it.
Just confirmed, OBSIDIAN will be playing this year's HELLOWEEN PARTY out in Benson. The same place as this years Death & Resurrection Ball. This should be fucking interesting. We're going to tear that place apart one more time!
Other than that. This is my life as of yet. I haven't really been doing anything but band stuff, and work. I work my ass off every day, then go and either work at The Brewery developing contacts for the band, or we're playing shows. I'm loving every second of this life. Its what i've wanted to do for the longest time, and i'm finally doing it. I need to rest tho. I've been on the go all week, working 50 hours this week + nights at The Brewery, and doing practice and shows. I think i'm about dead.
What a day, What a day.
I think its time for me to get back to work. I get off in 2 1/2 hours, then maybe I can rest alittle before I go see MISERY SIGNALS at The Brewery!!! Woot!
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| This is the funniest shit. |
[20 Sep 2004|11:18am] |
If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!
Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your
child may have gone astray from the Lord.
Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:
-Frequently wears black clothing.
-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.
-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include:
reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other
Satanic worshipping symbols.
-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of
music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks
against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)
-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak
eccentrically.
-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such
as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic,
the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
-Takes drugs.
-Drinks alcohol.
-Is suicidal and/or depressed.
-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)
-Complains of boredom.
-Sleeps too excessively or too little.
-Is excessively awake during the night.
-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to
vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)
-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
-Spends large amounts of time alone.
-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and
elders are but a few examples of this.
-Misbehaves at school.
-Misbehaves at home.
-Eats excessively or too little.
-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.
-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood.
(Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)
-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media
sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)
-Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
-Expresses an interest in sex.
-Masturbates
-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".
-Claims to be a goth.
If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
~St. Mary's Catholic Church
--------------------------------------------
That is the most amusing thing I've ever seen.
I express an interest in sex.
I eat Count Chocula cereal.
I complain of boredom.
I drink alcohol.
I wear band t-shirts.
OH NO! I'm checking into Dix right now!
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| Ozzfest, New Apartment, New Job...LIFE. |
[02 Sep 2004|10:09am] |
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music |
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Lamb of God - Now You Have Something To Die For |
] |
Don't go out clubbing till 3AM knowing you have to be at work the next morning. Remember that punk!
Well its been awhile since I updated this here thing. I've been pretty busy lately with a whole world of shit changing before my eyes...Hell I don't even know exactly where to begin...
Ozzfest was 2 days ago. August 31st, 2004. That fucking show is amazing every damn year I go. Just being at OZZFEST is enough to make the ticket price, 11$ beer, 6.50 half of a sandwich, 4$ bottle of water...and 2$ Pickles worth it. Fucking rediculous though.
LAMB OF FUCKING GOD was amazing. They put on one hell of a show, and really erged me to buy the new cd Ashes of the Wake.
1 word. Phenominal!! The guitar work, drum paterns, harsh vocals, and pure hatred in the lyrics make this cd one of my favorites ever.
Also, fucking Dimmu Borgir was insane. I loved every second of their show. 4 Fucking Songs in a 30 minute set...these fuckin hardcore homo's don't know anything about that. Everyone there was jaw dropped when they walked out and fucking blasted. Most of those fuckers didn't know whether or not to like them. "Is this cool?" was the thought on every faggot's mind.
DIMMU!
SLAYER! What the fuck can I say? This was my SECOND time seeing Slayer and they can STILL put on an amazing show. They were great!
DevilDriver is one of my new favorite bands. They're really awesome, and Dez is still the man.
The rest of the bands were good, don't get me wrong. But those bands stuck out the most. They made that show incredible.
Next order of business...
I've got a new apartment, and a new Job. I'm still working at The Brewery, but I've got a day job selling Cell Phones for Wireless Retail. Its not a bad job, its paying well right now. I'm enjoying the job because I get to sit here on the computer all day...bored to death.
The new apartment is...nice. Well, ok...its a shithole. But its somewhere to sleep. Since i've moved into downtown i've got a bunch of new friends. Lastnight Elias, Rob, Katie, and I went to a few clubs. We started at the Berkley Cafe for open mic night, but that got boring as fuck...so we migrated down Glenwood to Gino Russo's, which wasn't really my scene. Alot of hiphop, and hot girls dancing...which I fucking love. But that got stale after a few beers, so we headed back downtown and stopped by Jackpot where I was rudely asked for ID..which I'm only 19, so I couldn't get in. After being to 2 21+ clubs, drinking a bunch of beers, I get carded at a damn pool hall, where a week ago...I was taking shots of Jagermeister. Goddamn gestopo!!!
Thats ok, I didn't need anything else to drink at that point. I was already driving which was a bad thing. But then we wen't back to my apartment and hungout...and at like 4 am I had to practically drag Katie out of my bed, to my car to take her home so that I could go home and go to sleep...cuz I had work in like 3 hours.
So yea...fun fun fun.
I wanna fucking pass the hell out right now. I'm hungover, and regreting it...but i'll probably do it again tonight! hahahaha
I do remember we met this really hot chick Brandy, who after engulfing my Jager, gave me her number...
Yea we're gunna hafta hangout. She was really cute, and just my age!
Anywho...
Maybe I should get to fucking work, what do you think?
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[01 Aug 2004|05:36pm] |
MMM...
Thats a fucking Wet Dream if i could ever think of one.
:D
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| The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same. |
[12 Jul 2004|06:27pm] |
Well...
I don't update this (lame) thing much anymore due to my busy fucking schedule...but I figured i'd go ahead and say alittle something to pass the time.
Things with the band are going awesome. We've got shows pretty much booked through mid-August. We're possibly playing Cocktails and Diamonds in Sneads Ferry this Saturday night, with Age of Despair. And, we've got a huge show coming up at The Brewery in Raleigh NC July 23rd once again...with our brothers in Oxygen Thieves, and...Age of Despair, Lucidus, & Session Nine. Thats gunna be a killer show. I'm really looking forward to meeting Mrs. Stephanie from Session Nine, shes a real sweetheart.
Then of course, we're off to PROVIDENCE RI for SLAUGHTERCORE 2004. This show will be one for the record books. Its already getting massive promotion. The lineup includes and is finished with Oxygen Thieves from NC, The Departed, Imprint, Clip, Soma City Ward, Knuckle Down, of course OBSIDIAN, Trauma Concept, and Throne of Hate.
We're also planning a mini-tour up the east coast hitting VA, DC, NYC, and then arriving in Providence RI.
Thats gunna be awesome.
We're also getting alot of recognition around the scenes. People actually know our name, and don't ignore us cuz we're the new guys...hahaha...
Otherwise, nothings really different. My life is just as topsy tervy as its always been, and always will be. I've chose this path I walk. The other day, someone who will remain nameless shot at me with a hateful remark. "Atleast I've got a fulltime Job, and a Home." I found it funny to hear this from another musician. You would think another musician would understand exactly what I'm doing, and not have the moral to stoop that low...but some people are children. I walk this path because I know its what I must do to follow my dreams. I'll sacrifice anything and everything to become successful in fulfilling my dream. I've already proved that to everyone...
So fuck you if you don't like what you see.
Well I guess I'll go back to my boring existence.
Stay Tuned for the news at 11.
Stay True.
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| Jesus... |
[28 Jun 2004|07:28pm] |
Fucking Women SUCK.
Plain and simple.
I love how I get to find out she has a new boyfriend, from someone OTHER than her.
Does every woman intend on fucking me over? Honestly.
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